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Warmth is what makes things grow.
Self-warmth is a skill you can learn, and an inner environment you create, where healing and growth come naturally. It’s the tone you take with yourself in the hardest moments and the ordinary ones.
Why self-warmth works
Many of us believe being hard on ourselves is what keeps us on track. Research suggests otherwise. Self-criticism keeps the mind on guard, focused on threat and error. Warmth signals safety, and safety is where curiosity, learning, and change become possible.
Self-warmth draws on this research and brings it into everyday life.
Speaking to yourself with reassurance appears to engage brain regions linked to compassion and empathy for others. (Longe et al., 2010)
People who met a setback with self-compassion were more motivated to improve than those who focused on boosting their self-esteem. (Breines and Chen, 2012)
Positive emotions broaden what we can see and do, and build lasting inner resources over time. (Fredrickson, 2001)
How it works: WARM
Self-warmth is a practice in four steps.
W
Witness
Notice when the critic or fear starts speaking.
A
Attune
Turn toward your body for what you’re feeling, and toward your thinking for what you’re telling yourself.
R
Receive
Hold whatever is there with unconditional acceptance. Nothing to change, nothing to fix.
Give and receive your full presence.
M
Move toward
From that warmer place, choose one small step toward who you want to be.
In coaching, we practice this together until it becomes second nature.
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Self-warmth is the practice of giving yourself what you’ve been waiting for.
Try it now
Meet your feeling
About three minutes
Settle. Find a comfortable seat and take one slow breath.
Scan. Bring your attention to the top of your head, then move slowly down toward your toes, sweeping from left to right and right to left as you go. Notice whatever sensations are there, without changing them.
Find the loudest one. Return to the sensation asking most for your attention.
Describe it. Imagine explaining it to someone who can't feel it.
Where exactly is it? What part of your body? Near the surface, or deep inside?
How big is it? What shape? Are its edges sharp or soft?
Is it heavy or light? Dense or airy? Solid or opaque?
What's its texture? Smooth, prickly, tight, buzzing?
Is it warm or cool? Does it have a color?
Is it still or moving? If it moves, does it pulse, spread, swirl, or press?
As you keep watching it, does anything change?Name it. What's the emotion behind these sensations? Simply say, "Right now, this is ___."
Stay. Let it be there for a few breaths. Nothing to fix. Just notice what happens when you keep it company.
If anything feels like too much, open your eyes and come back to the room around you.
What you just did is the core of self-warmth: being with yourself, exactly as you are.
The warm voice
About five minutes, with a pen
Write down one thing your inner critic has said to you lately, word for word.
Now picture someone who loves you and sees you clearly. What would they say about the same situation? Write it down.
Read both out loud. Notice how each one feels in your body.
Which voice helps you move toward who you want to be?
That second voice is always available to you, too. Self-warmth is the practice of choosing it.
Resources
The research self-warmth draws on, if you'd like to read further.
Having a word with yourself: neural correlates of self-criticism and self-reassurance (Longe et al., 2010)
Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation (Breines and Chen, 2012)
The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions (Fredrickson, 2001)
Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism (Kross et al., 2014)
Want to apply this work with support? Let's start with a conversation.
One hour, complimentary, no pressure.